I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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