it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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