My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
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I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
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He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.