I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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