At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.