i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
