based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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