It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
