i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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