How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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