I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Randomize
