Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
