It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
