I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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