She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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