Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
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don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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