He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
