Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
