Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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