No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
