VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
