You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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