This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
