So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
