Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
