why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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