CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
