i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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