Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
