she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
