Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
