Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
