I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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