Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
