He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
