did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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