im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
