***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
