i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yo dont text me then not text me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
