What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
