Sry I called you an 8
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
