What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
