I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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