I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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