So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
