do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
