This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
There are leaves in my underwear?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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