why didn't you poke me back
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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