its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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