I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
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She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
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I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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