Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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