I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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