This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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