She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
