woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
