you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
