I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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