Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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