Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
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i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
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Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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