my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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