Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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