Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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