Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
