is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
