You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
