Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
