i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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