Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
