Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
